The Tightrope of Sincerity
How To Have A Sound Heart (4/7)
“The sincere believer devoted to Allah is among the most pleasant of people in their way of life, the most tranquil in mind, the most expansive in chest, and the most joyful in heart. This is a present Paradise before the everlasting Paradise.”
- Ibn Al Qayyim
Disclaimer: This is one of eight parts in the faith-based series ‘How To Have A Sound Heart’ and can be read as a stand-alone.
However, for unclear terms: check the footnotes and links.
For disjointed concepts or more like this: start with the series index here, or navigate to the previous chapter here.
The first ever tenet many Muslims are taught in their quest of knowledge is the hadith “Actions are (judged) by intentions”.
Verily, deeds are only with intentions, and every person will have only what they intended. Whoever emigrated to Allah and His Messenger, his emigration is for Allah and His Messenger. Whoever emigrated to get something in the world or to marry a woman, his emigration is for that to which he emigrated.
We do countless acts of worship in our lives - internal, spoken, manual. Each is, or should be, originated from a reason; the why behind that action - so it isn’t mechanical, misaligned, aimless or insincere. This Prophetic saying elucidates that there may be conscious or subconscious reasons to do things. There is no complication if something isn’t done for the sake of Allah. However, as mentioned, it cannot be claimed to have been done for Allah.
We can’t present ourselves on the Day of Judgement with recital voices we perfected to be praised by people over, called pious over, and say “Ya Allah, I undertook this Quranic endeavour from scratch for you.” We mustn’t expect to give chunks of our wealth in building a mosque in order to have our name on a plaque and say “Ya Allah, I sacrificed my money to create a space for Your worship”. We shouldn’t purposely prolong our prostrations when someone is watching to appear more God-conscious and say “Ya Allah, I spent hours in prayer in awe of You”.
That’s all nullified. Void with respect to sincerity.
Is there an epidemic of doing things for perception? And venerating those who are perceived well - this piety paparazzi who puts people on a pedestal?
The sweetness of praise has turned acidic and curdled some people’s hearts. For every decorated action there could be the malintent of showing religious superiority. It’s subtle, definitely not everywhere, but definitely a mark of an unchecked heart.
This entire facet is addressed not to scan and point fingers on the state of others, but as this series always drags towards: to pull ourselves out of orbit and introspect. Grab our own collar.
Arrogance and the sense of superiority is a replica of the pride of the devil - who refused to bow down to someone seemingly lower. This manifests on our Qalb (spiritual heart) as little black spots that can accumulate over time.
It’s a touchy subject, but it starts from the things that can be seen and reputed: clothing, utterances and appearance become symbols of utmost importance - literally and metaphorically overshadowing our internal states.
It’s a shame we have these false standards of guidance. “I did such-and-such therefore I must have permanently reached the milestone of being guided.”
Guidance is a fundamental pathway for mindsets, attitudes and treatment of others. Knowledge and worship - for the correct reasons - can support guidance; clothing and recitation are ancillary tenets.
إِنَّ أَكْرَمَكُمْ عِندَ ٱللَّهِ أَتْقَىٰكُمْ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ عَلِيمٌ خَبِيرٌۭ
Surely the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous among you. Allah is truly All-Knowing, All-Aware. {Quran, 49:13}
Taqwa can be translated as God-consciousness, piety, awareness of Allah, among others - something we have previously made a dua about to be granted to our soul. It is the sole differentiator in front of Allah. And interestingly, it is extremely hidden in our Qalb - to others and perhaps even ourselves. It can’t be delineated by a spoken word or a cloth.
Further to this, the only thing worse than aggrandisation and external validation, in my perspective, is the societally-warped cherry-picking of religion. When people choose self-serving aspects and weaponise a faith’s well-wishing principles against the vulnerable, taking advantage of another’s limited knowledge to overpower and oppress - for patriarchy, for extortion, for justifying abuse. I can’t think of a worse intention.
وَإِنَّ مِنْهُمْ لَفَرِيقًا يَلْوُۥنَ أَلْسِنَتَهُم بِٱلْكِتَـٰبِ لِتَحْسَبُوهُ مِنَ ٱلْكِتَـٰبِ وَمَا هُوَ مِنَ ٱلْكِتَـٰبِ وَيَقُولُونَ هُوَ مِنْ عِندِ ٱللَّهِ وَمَا هُوَ مِنْ عِندِ ٱللَّهِ وَيَقُولُونَ عَلَى ٱللَّهِ ٱلْكَذِبَ وَهُمْ يَعْلَمُونَ
There are some among them who distort the Book with their tongues to make you think this ˹distortion˺ is from the Book—but it is not what the Book says. They say, “It is from Allah”—but it is not from Allah. And ˹so˺ they attribute lies to Allah knowingly. {Quran, 3:78}
You’ll see it in misquoted verses, distorted translations, a manipulated structure of presenting information in twisted words. And so, the regurgitation of convenient and self-serving sayings floods podcasts, content and communities, whereas a blind eye is given to the same Prophet’s teachings or the same Quran’s instructions regarding effortful and self-reproachful topics that seize a person’s collar to look inward.
The Quran poses questions to this selective adoption:
۞ أَتَأْمُرُونَ ٱلنَّاسَ بِٱلْبِرِّ وَتَنسَوْنَ أَنفُسَكُمْ وَأَنتُمْ تَتْلُونَ ٱلْكِتَـٰبَ ۚ أَفَلَا تَعْقِلُونَ
Do you preach righteousness and fail to practice it yourselves, although you read the Scripture? Do you not understand? {Quran, 2:44}
أَفَتُؤْمِنُونَ بِبَعْضِ ٱلْكِتَـٰبِ وَتَكْفُرُونَ بِبَعْضٍۢ ۚ
Do you believe in some of the Scripture and reject the rest? {Quran, 2:85}
Arrogance and tyranny are just individual-level beginnings. This position of power and status through manipulating and parading aspects of faith only brings further deficits like societal turmoil and mass misinformation.
Imagine being called to settle a lifetime of account and seeing all your “good deeds” obliterate into air, slowly tipping your scale to what you knew were bad deeds. And if that wasn’t enough, all that good reincarnates, only to morph into sins and weigh heavier - then you watch the people you trampled and exploited catapult their bad deeds onto your already wincing scale.
تِلْكَ ٱلدَّارُ ٱلْـَٔاخِرَةُ نَجْعَلُهَا لِلَّذِينَ لَا يُرِيدُونَ عُلُوًّۭا فِى ٱلْأَرْضِ وَلَا فَسَادًۭا ۚ وَٱلْعَـٰقِبَةُ لِلْمُتَّقِينَ
That home of the Hereafter We assign to those who do not desire exaltedness (splendour/arrogance) upon the earth or corruption (tyranny). And the [best] outcome is for the righteous. {Quran, 28:83}
This is the first reason that sincerity is a compass you have to keep glancing at mid-journey; one quiet tilt off-north (into ego territory) and the whole expedition drifts into the wilderness. It’s like walking on a tightrope - calculated, focused and conscious. That is to say: it is hard but also the only way to arrive at your destination.
A very important distinction here is the opposite end of that spectrum; the doubts of insincerity can gaslight a person into stopping that good action altogether. It’s interesting to study that showing off is both when you do something for eyeballs and when you avoid an action anticipating praise. In the latter, you are still keeping your ego at the centre, sizing up how you will be perceived, deeming that good deed to be amazing and therefore its doer to be too - false humility in essence. Disembarking from owning that deed or relating it to you is the remedy here - Allah allowed you to be a means, to be used appropriately as previously discussed, to participate in His ecosystem. No good done is frowned upon, only the internal effect of it is cautioned.
Secondly, when you aren’t looking for the right reasons, you will be blind to the right signs.
Operating from malintent means your perception narrows to whatever feeds your ego. You start scanning rooms for applause instead of need, for visibility instead of vulnerability - turning charity into performance, kindness into currency, and your interactions into transactions. Even when you do good, you are subtly calculating how it looks, how it returns, how it elevates you. And once that lens settles in, we are bound to miss what actually matters.
People in need don’t come with forehead stickers, neon banners or looming clouds above them that announce their pain and carried weight. Indeed, I have found the kindest or most humorous souls to be harbouring the greatest struggles. The only way to decipher their states, the only way to honour them is to want to look, to want to talk. When you go out of your way to just know someone rather than serve your need for approval - that is the test of sincere giving.
The Quran talks about it -
يَحْسَبُهُمُ ٱلْجَاهِلُ أَغْنِيَآءَ مِنَ ٱلتَّعَفُّفِ تَعْرِفُهُم بِسِيمَـٰهُمْ لَا يَسْـَٔلُونَ ٱلنَّاسَ إِلْحَافًۭا ۗ وَمَا تُنفِقُوا۟ مِنْ خَيْرٍۢ فَإِنَّ ٱللَّهَ بِهِۦ عَلِيمٌ
Those unfamiliar with their situation will think they are not in need ˹of charity˺ because they do not beg. You can recognize them by their [characteristic] sign. They do not beg people persistently. And whatever you give in charity is certainly well known to Allah. {Quran, 2:273}
On the contrary, when on the ‘taking end’ or attributing good to yourself, you won’t let it cloud your judgement.
It’s a chemical equilibrium of sorts - maintaining the pH of the heart enough to not turn acidic with the praise and enough to not turn caustic with bitterness in times of struggle. As an example, Ibn Al Qayyim has a famous system to view money at a distance: “When there is money in your hand and not in your heart, it will not harm you even if it is a lot; and when it is in your heart, it will harm you even if there is none in your hands.”
The feeling of accomplishment and elevation ideally crystallises a result in three ways of showing gratitude - a reminder in our heart, an attribution on our tongue and good utilisation through our limbs - meaning humility and sincerity are two sides of the same coin resulting in mindsets and actions. This is why we believe and then say ‘all praise is to Allah’, and finally use our good fortune for creating more good.
Moderation is possible only when we attach our self-worth not to wavering opinions and unreliable praise, but to stronger principles and the discerning eye of God - the only one watching you behind the curtain, the only one knowing me better than myself. It’s in realising it doesn’t take as much to be pretty or knowledgeable or wealthy as much it does to also be sincere-hearted during the compliments, the status of knowledge, the high of success. This is the internal bird’s eye view the Quran raises you to see.
However, it all starts with honest questions - which I complain we may never ask ourselves - fearing the discomforting scrutiny or even the answers. Let’s try some now (ready when you are). Answer once and move on - don’t dwell to side-track into false humility and obsessive surveillance.
When have you felt most good about yourself?
When you try to earn increasing hoards of money, why are you running behind it?
When you’ve achieved something, what part feels most rewarding, therefore most validating?
Has something that started pure turn into a grey area at some point? Does it need to be reoriented?
Whatever you are chasing the most in life, if you don’t find contentment or delayed happiness even after getting it, what will you do then?
What would people know about you if you don’t post online at all?
What does the escapism in you wish to flee from?
Who are you when no one’s watching? Why should that change when anyone is?
Every time questions surface and terrify, you’ll find if you sit with them long enough, they stop looking monstrous. That is the only way to figure out your Qalb - sufficiently looking at the inner map.
With this introspection, when you are praised or you’ve done well (as I’m sure you will), you would voice realigning and humbling duas:
اَللّهُمَّ أَنتَ أَعلَمُ مِنِّي بِنَفسِي وَأَنَا أَعلَمُ بِنَفسِي مِنهُم، اَللّهُمَّ اجعَلنِي خَيرًا مِّمَّا يَظُنُّونَ وَاغفِر لِي مَا لَا يَعلَمُونَ وَلَا تُؤَاخِذنِي بِمَا يَقُولُون
O Allah, You Know me better than I know myself, and I know myself better than them. O Allah, make me better than they think of me, forgive me for what they do not know and do not hold me responsible for what they say about me.
And, when things go wrong or get miscommunicated to others, as they often do, the biggest solace is in knowing your intent was sound.
لَّا يُؤَاخِذُكُمُ ٱللَّهُ بِٱللَّغْوِ فِىٓ أَيْمَـٰنِكُمْ وَلَـٰكِن يُؤَاخِذُكُم بِمَا كَسَبَتْ قُلُوبُكُمْ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ غَفُورٌ حَلِيمٌۭ
Allah will not hold you accountable for unintentional oaths, but for what you intended in your hearts. And Allah is All-Forgiving, Most Forbearing. {Quran, 2:225}
To be aware of Who you are willing to prove yourself to, is to realise how constant and ever-watchful He is. This is when the piety paparazzi, misinterpretations of guidance, overattributing the good to yourself and seeking tumultuous societal approval all collapse.
And an ideal state to reach, then, is one illustrated by a historic inspiration. This mysterious woman was found to consistently stand in secluded night prayer - internalising one thing repeatedly:
إِلَهِي غَارَت النُّجُوْمُ، وَنَامَت العُيُوْنُ وَغَلَّقَت المُلُوْكُ أَبْوَابَهَا، وَبَابُكَ مَفْتُوْحٌ، وَخَلا كُلُ حَبِيْبٍ بِحَبِيْبِهِ، وَهَذَا مَقَامِي بَيْنَ يَدَيْكَ
“O Allah, the stars have vanished, the eyes have slept, the kings have locked their doors, and Your door remains open. Every lover has found privacy with their beloved, and here I am standing before You.”
I can’t think of a clearer depiction of “there is only God and I here”. The reliance this places on Allah and how it teaches to self-sufficiently bow only to Him, tether to only His approval, carries one through it all.
It gives you infallible courage. The freedom, confidence and power to be unapologetically yourself, to be aligned with your purpose and your Creator, to refocus on important things when there’s a shake.
Because there will undoubtedly be bombardments of excessive distractions that muddy your resolve and your vision. And sifting through them with sincerity as your North Star is the only way to cross the tightrope.
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